Love Me and I Won't Love You



White Mickey Mouse shirt, Mr Price; black high waisted RT shorts, Mr Price; black low tops, Mr Price;
large silver bangle, Truworths; assorted bangles, Identity and octagonal sunglasses.



Last year, I was "pretty" obsessed with my really hot neighbour, Jason. He's really tall and laughs at all of my jokes (though... why wouldn't anyone?) and he was something new. Especially because at that time I'd pretty much been going through a dry spell and that was mucho unenjoyable. And how awesome would it be if I dated someone who was universally attractive and photogenic? Mucho awesome.
  But a month or so later when I did actually get action and it wasn't from Jason I pretty much accepted that after five weeks nothing was happening and decided we'd be better friends. Now without my rose coloured glasses (the ones we see all our crushes in perfect light in) I noticed Jason really wasn't my type. Hotness will get you so far and I'm not the Friends With Benefits type anyway (it's for those too lazy to look for the real thing... if there is a real thing).
  He wanted to be a rapper and if I have to meet another black boy who wants to be rapper like Lil' Wayne or some ish like that I am going to suffer at Menlyn every Friday. And that place is damn ass ghetto with The Glen High students on Fridays. And there's really nothing like getting hit on by a grade eight with a yellow Afro-wish.
  Anyway, we hang out sometimes when he comes over to play PlayStation with my brother and Brandon And Co (don't ask). Lesego is crazy obsessed with him, though. Not that he'd date her and her mahuna-hunas (big boobs) what with them being two hours apart and they're both kind of players. [Unintentionally, of course. Having had been played three times last year, I really wouldn't befriend one. Lesego and Jason are the kind that wanna be all committal but easily bored people. Both attractive hummingbirds, hopping from tulip to orchid to Marigold and pussy willow (pun intended).]
  Now I'm beginning to believe in that New Age Universe Stuff because last week I hugged Jason goodbye for an obscenely long amount of time and was way too touchy-feely with him that day, mistruthed to Amber and Lesego that we almost kissed (which we didn't but we could've). Why did I not tell the truth? Beee-cuuz, they had awesome stories from the gala and I had zilch, nothing, zeh-ro! But that's beside the point, so I had this exaggeration (see how I beat around the word "lie") hanging up all high in the Universe and it came back to bite me or ish like that. It was karma... I think.
  It's been a while since I crushed on Jason which was pretty much only because he was attractive without the attractive qualities I require. And today he was in my bedroom. Like, the place where I had price tags from this morning's shopping excursion strewn all over my messy bed, shoes and plastic bags on the floor and various receipts on my jewellery box and my bras were all over the place. But I was all nonchalant about it when he was all, "I've never seen inside your room."
  "Oh, really? Whatevs." I replied.
  When I talk to Jason there are some awkward silences because he's pretty soft spoken, I'm loud and talkative but hate having to hear only my side of the conversation. I kept myself busy with attempting to clean the usually chaos that was my bed. And then it happened.
  I said, "Why you so quiet?"
  "Me?" Jason asked. As if there was anyone else in the room.
  "Uh, ja."
  "Oh, I was just thinking if maybe I should tell you something that I've wanted to say for a long time."
  And, like, I'm not an idiot. I knew. That was the moment I would have loved before but right then it was fucking scary. Scarier than Hallie Berry's toes, man. What did I do?
  I ignored it, as though I didn't hear him. I retreated to my computer and didn't give him a second look. Why now? Like, why now? Especially now when I'm hormonal, PMSing, bleeding my panties off and desperately single but horribly picky? I'd hate to think of what would've happened if he did ask me out...
  But I feel really sad... for him.